You are worthy

I have mostly been somewhat confident in what I do and who I am. However that hasn’t always been the case in my life. Although I am successful in my much adored career. I have always seemed to make the unworthy people to me ( they may be worthy to someone else)  feel like they are worthy. 

Confidence in who you are and what you do shouldn’t necessarily be worn like a badge of amour but more like “okay this is how I measure myself, in life against my OWN standards, so therefore do I need to have multiple unnecessary people around me, to continue to make that happen?”

No matter how successful I have been over the years, I have always dated guys who are just downright f**k boys! with little to no ambition! If you know me (shout out to my two besties ) and know the fact that I have been in recruitment many years - ambition is so important to me, as is a job,In whatever you do. It’s also never even really been about a mans finances because I have always earned good money for myself, it’s more that when you’re on a similar  path to a person you date it makes it easier, life is a little sweeter. However even though on MANY MANY occasions,  I’ve known it from the start that I would be entering a shit situation I pursued the or stayed in the situation.

I would be confident at the start as to what I bought to the table, and ignore the fact that their lifestyle alone wouldn’t lend well to them joining me on my path. 

There was one dude who had no job or money no car and no plans to change that, where as I was working many hours in a large IT company, I had good money and a decent place. Yes those were mainly material gains and I can 100% look past that, however he would call me at 12 pm  everyday, when I was in a meeting asking what I was doing, (err same thing as yesterday) however he just woke up so he wanted to know if we could 'link’ up and play Xbox at mine. Those were signs massive big smelly signs. I ignored them. I wasn’t confident in what I was doing in life. I had this massive job, running a large team at the age of 23. That was a pretty big deal so.... if I stopped and looked back I should have said to him let’s be friends I have to work. We’re not on the same path , even a little bit. However I didn’t realise what I bought to the table. Our conversations we had were so empty, the minute I talked about work he couldn’t relate because it was more about the latest level in tekken (if you know you know... I’m a huge video game fan but this context was just beyond lame). 

Anyway I guess what I’m trying to say is, without arrogance or attitude I should have recognised that he wasn’t right. I just wasn’t confident  enough. As time went on HE recognised that, yes HE said I wasn’t right for him and he needed someone available in the day throughout the day. Hmm okay then! So basically he was annoyed I was employed?! I get it ah (no I don’t get it) anyway nice, see you down the Jobcentre (showing my age-I swear they no longer exist).Then we can be together for an eternity, playing tekken (seriously, it was an amazing game but still). Ah yeah I was so upset, my ego was bruised and I thought I wasn’t enough. Okay you can call him all the names under the sun (I kinda did) but really, you have to respect him for confidently speaking about his wants and needs. From the outset it seems as though he has nothing to offer - clearly he thought differently.

I unashamedly chased him for sometime, when I look back I should have been confident realising that I had enough food on my plate to feed him and me in many ways and to just let it go. 

So when you think you don’t have anything to offer or if someone tells you that you don’t,  it’s BS we all have something, however just be confident in whatever that something is, so you don’t question it and don’t pull up a chair for anyone that doesn’t want to sit at your table.. I can honestly tell you It’s more than okay to eat alone.

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